Marriage in Islam is a structured contract established by Allah to bring about mercy, stability, and cooperation between spouses. However, problems arise when the limits set by Allah are neglected and when spouses fail to fulfill their responsibilities.
The scholars explain that marital problems are not random. They have clear causes, and their solutions are found in returning to the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah.
This page rests on Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen’s The Book of Marriage and his Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, on Tafsir as-Sa’di, on Shaykh al-Fawzan’s explanation of the Forty Hadith and his Rulings Pertaining to Muslim Women, and on Islamic Fatawa Regarding Women.
Ignorance of the Purpose of Marriage
One of the main causes of marital problems is misunderstanding what marriage actually is.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen defines marriage in The Book of Marriage:
“According to the definition in Shariah law, it is a meeting between a male and a female in a designated manner. This manner is designated by Shariah in the form of the marriage contract with certain conditions.”
(The Book of Marriage, printed p. 15)
Understood in this way, marriage is a contract intended for:
- Mutual benefit
- Building a righteous family
- Establishing a stable society
When a person enters marriage only seeking personal satisfaction, control, or emotional fulfillment, conflict begins.
Solution
- Understanding that marriage is a responsibility
- Viewing marriage as an act of obedience to Allah
- Focusing on building a righteous household
Neglecting Rights and Responsibilities
Another major cause is when one spouse demands their rights but does not fulfill their own duties.
From the explanations of marriage rulings:
- The husband must provide and treat his wife well
- The wife must cooperate and protect the home
When this balance is broken, problems arise.
Solution
- Each spouse fulfills their obligations first
- Rights are maintained through responsibility
Harshness and Bad Character
Allah commanded:
“…but live with them in kindness.”
(Qur’an 4:19)
This includes:
- Good speech
- Gentle behavior
- Patience
When harshness replaces kindness, resentment and conflict follow.
Solution
- Speak gently
- Show patience
- Overlook faults
Shaykh Ibn Baz was asked by a wife whose husband humiliates her in front of her children and relatives and never gives her any credit. He answered:
“It is obligatory upon you to have patience and to advise him to act in the best way. Remind him of Allah and the Hereafter. Perhaps he will respond and return to what is correct. Perhaps he will give up his evil behavior. If he does not, the sin is upon him and you will get a great reward for your patience and bearing his harm. It is sanctioned for you to supplicate for him in your prayer and at other times, that Allah may guide him to what is correct, bless him with proper behavior and protect you from his evil and the evil of others.”
And if he does not respond, she may ask those he respects to step in:
“There is nothing to keep you from asking his father, mother, older brothers, any relative he respects or neighbors to advise him and encourage him to treat you properly, in response to Allah’s statements, “Live with them honorably” (al-Nisa 19).”
The Prophet ﷺ taught that a person should not hate their spouse, because if they dislike one trait, they will find another that pleases them.
Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vol. 3, Hadeeth 275, printed p. 145 [Muslim]
Acting on Dislike Without Patience
Allah said:
“If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.”
(Qur’an 4:19)
Shaykh as-Sa’di explains this verse in his Tafsir:
“(If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good) that is, you – O husbands – should keep your wives even if you dislike them, for there is a great deal of good in that, such as obedience to the command of Allah and accepting His advice, which leads to happiness in this world and the hereafter.”
“So the husband should force himself – even if he does not love her – to strive to develop a good attitude so that he can treat her kindly; perhaps his dislike of her will disappear, to be replaced by love, as usually happens; or perhaps Allah will bless him with a righteous child from her, who will benefit his (or her) parents in this world and the hereafter. All of that applies if it is possible to keep her without transgressing the limits. Then if there is no option but to separate, and there is no way he can keep her, in that case keeping her is not a must”
Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen, in his commentary on the same hadeeth in Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, applies this weighing to the wife herself:
“For instance if she did badly in her response to you at an instance, but she has been good to you more than a few times; she acted poorly on a night, but she has always been good on several nights; she failed to take care of the kids but she had done several good acts…and so on. Thus, whenever your wife acts in an unsatisfactory manner, you should not isolate the current error for consideration; rather, you should look at the past, consider the future, and be just in passing judgement.”
Dislike is natural, but reacting to it incorrectly leads to harm.
Solution
- Practice patience
- Reflect on the good
- Avoid rushing to separation
However, if real harm occurs, then separation becomes allowed.
Oppression Within Marriage
One of the most serious causes of marital breakdown is oppression.
From the principles explained in the rulings:
“There should be no harming or reciprocation of harm.”
(Hadith Thirty-Two of the Forty Hadith of An-Nawawi: A Hasan Hadith, collected by Ibn Majah, Ad-Daraqutni and others in a Musnad form; and Malik in Muwatta’ in Mursal form from ‘Amr bin Yahya from his father from the Prophet ﷺ and he did not mention Abu Sa’id; and it has chains which strengthen one another.)
Oppression can include:
- Denying financial rights
- Emotional harm
- Unjust treatment
Solution
- Remove harm immediately
- Return to fairness and justice
- Fulfill all obligations correctly
Marriage cannot succeed where oppression exists.
Weak Foundations of Marriage
Many problems begin before marriage even starts.
If the marriage is based on:
- Incorrect procedures
- Lack of clarity
- Ignorance of rulings
then conflict is more likely.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“There is no marriage except with a guardian and two witnesses.”
(The Book of Marriage, Hadith 983, printed p. 169)
In The Book of Marriage, Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen notes that the narration with the addition of the two witnesses is weak, while the narration “There is no marriage except with a guardian” is Sahih.
The conditions of a valid marriage are worked in full on this site’s page The Conditions of a Valid Marriage (Nikah).
This shows that marriage must be:
- Properly established
- Clear and open
- Based on correct conditions
Solution
- Ensure all conditions of marriage are fulfilled
- Begin the marriage upon correct foundations
Ignoring the Limits Set by Allah
Allah has set clear boundaries in marriage.
When these limits are ignored, problems follow.
These include:
- Maintaining modesty
- Preserving rights
- Acting within lawful limits
Solution
- Return to what Allah has allowed
- Avoid what He has forbidden
- Follow the guidance fully
Neglect Over Time
Marriage requires ongoing effort.
Problems arise when:
- Kindness fades
- Effort decreases
- Responsibilities are ignored
Solution
- Maintain good treatment consistently
- Renew intentions
- Remember accountability before Allah
The Husband’s Turning Away
A problem can also arise when the husband turns away from his wife and wants to part from her, while she wishes to remain with him.
Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan takes up this situation in his book Rulings Pertaining to Muslim Women, in his chapter on marriage and divorce, and he answers it with the words of Allah:
“And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves. And such settlement is best.”
(Qur’an 4:128)
Al-Haafidh Ibn Kathir explained this verse, as Shaykh al-Fawzan quotes him from his Tafsir [2/406]:
“If a woman is afraid that her husband will shun her or turn away from her, then it is permissible for her to relinquish all or some of her rights – including her maintennance, clothing, or sexual relations - from the rights that she has upon him. It is permissible for him to accept this from her, so there is no wrong in her relinquishing those rights, and no wrong on him if he accepts this from her. Concerning this, Allah says: “There is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves. And such settlement is best.””
He explains the words: “Meaning this is better than separation.”
Ibn Kathir then related what happened with Sawda bint Zam’ah, one of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ, as Shaykh al-Fawzan records it: “Then he related the story of Sawda bint Zam’ah, at the time when she grew old and the Messenger of Allah, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him wanted to divorce her. She negotiated with him that he retained her while she gave her night (of sleeping with him) to ‘Aisha and he accepted and retained her upon this agreement.”
Rulings Pertaining to Muslim Women, printed pp. 120-121 (Ibn Kathir, Tafsir [2/406], as quoted by Shaykh al-Fawzan)
Solution
- Seek an amicable settlement between them before separation
- She may relinquish all or some of her rights to keep the marriage
- He accepts, and keeps her upon what they agreed
When a Breach Opens Between Them: The Arbitrators
A breach can open between the spouses that neither of them can mend alone. For that case, Allah has appointed a remedy from within the two families. Allah says:
“If you fear a breach between them, appoint an arbitrator from his family and another from hers; if they both want to put things right, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them. Verily Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.”
(Qur’an 4:35)
Shaykh as-Sa’di explains the verse:
“That is, if you fear a breach between the spouses, and that they will keep away from one another, (appoint an arbitrator from his family and another from hers) that is, two men who are accountable, Muslims, of good character and wise, who are both aware of the problem. All of these qualities may be understood from the word hakam (translated here as (arbitrator)); no one is fit to be an arbitrator except one who possesses these attributes. They should examine the objection of each spouse against the other, then tell each one what he or she must do. Then if one of them is not able to adhere to that, they should advise the other spouse to be content with whatever is available of provision and accept whatever is the attitude of the other spouse.”
“Whenever it is possible to bring about reconciliation and set things straight, they should not turn to the other option.”
“If the matter reaches a point where it is not possible to keep them together and set things straight between them, except in a way of enmity, hostility and disobedience to Allah, and they realise that separation is better for them, the arbitrators may decide to separate them. In that case the consent of the husband is not essential, as is indicated here, because Allah called them hakam (translated here as (arbitrators)), which implies having the authority to issue a ruling or verdict which must be accepted, even if the one against whom it is issued is not happy with it.”
Solution
- Bring in two arbitrators, one from his family and one from hers
- The arbitrators examine each spouse’s objection and tell each one what he or she must do
- Reconciliation comes first, and separation only when staying together is no longer possible
Key Lessons
The causes of marital problems in Islam are clear:
- Ignorance
- Neglect of responsibilities
- Harsh behavior
- Oppression
- Weak foundations
The solutions are also clear:
- Returning to the Quran and the Sunnah
- Fulfilling responsibilities
- Acting with kindness and patience
- Removing harm and establishing fairness
- Bringing in arbitrators from the two families when a breach opens
Marriage in Islam is not sustained by emotions alone, but by obedience to Allah.
When His guidance is followed, the result is stability, mercy, and balance. When it is neglected, problems will inevitably arise.
And Allah knows best.
References
The Book of Marriage, from the Explanation of Bulugh al-Maram by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen, Maktabatulirshad Publications USA, First Edition, February 2017, translated by Mustafa Lamei ‘Abdul Hakim al-Misri: definition of marriage, printed p. 15; Hadith 983, printed p. 169.
Tafsir as-Sa’di, by Shaykh ‘Abdur-Rahman ibn Nasir as-Sa’di, International Islamic Publishing House (IIPH), English Edition 1, 2018, translated by Nasiruddin al-Khattab, edited by Huda Khattab: Vol. 2 (Juz’ 4-6), on Surah An-Nisa 4:19, printed pp. 153-155; on Surah An-Nisa 4:35, printed pp. 175-176; Vol. 6 (Juz’ 16-18), on Surah An-Noor 24:32, printed pp. 406-407; Vol. 7 (Juz’ 19-21), on Surah Ar-Room 30:21, printed p. 301.
Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen, Darussalam, 2018: Vol. 3, Hadeeth 275, printed p. 145, and its commentary, printed pp. 146-147; Hadeeth 277, printed p. 154; Hadeeth 653, printed p. 671.
Explanation of Imam an-Nawawi’s 40 Hadith, by Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan, Dar Makkah International: Hadith Thirty-Two, printed p. 316.
Rulings Pertaining to Muslim Women, by Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan, Darussalam, Second Edition, June 2003, ISBN 9960-347-29-5, translated by Burhan Loqueman: Marriage and Divorce chapter, printed pp. 120-121, the settlement of Qur’an 4:128 where the husband turns away and the wife wishes to remain, with Ibn Kathir’s explanation, Tafsir [2/406], and the precedent of Sawda bint Zam’ah, all as quoted in his book. In these passages the book prints the name of Allah as “Allaah” (once in Ibn Kathir’s explanation and twice in the narration of Sawda); it is written “Allah” here, as everywhere on this site.
Islamic Fatawa Regarding Women, Darussalam, First Edition 1996, compiled by Muhammad bin Abdul-Aziz al-Musnad, trans. Jamaal al-Din M. Zarabozo: in the chapter ‘Questions Related to Relation Between the Spouses’, Q195, Shaykh Ibn Baz, printed pp. 213-214.
Further Reading
- The Rights and Obligations of Men and Women in Islam: the rights whose neglect this page traces
- The Purpose of Marriage in Islam: why marriage exists and what it is for
- The Conditions of a Valid Marriage (Nikah): what makes a marriage contract valid
- The Woman’s Right to Khula’: how a wife seeks release when a marriage cannot be repaired
- What Are the Rights of Women in Marriage?: the doorway to a wife’s rights in marriage
Verified on 2026-10-26 against the books listed above.