A common claim made by critics is that Islam allows men to beat their wives violently. This claim is based on a misunderstanding of the verse, and on quoting one phrase of it away from the order Allah placed around it and the limits the Prophet ﷺ placed upon it. This page sets out the verse in full, the explanation of the scholars of tafsir, and the Prophet’s ﷺ own example.
This page rests on Tafsir as-Sa’di, Vols. 1 and 2, on Surah an-Nisa 4:34 and 4:19 and Surah al-Baqarah 2:231, and on the Abridged Tafsir Ibn Kathir on Surah an-Nisa 4:34 and 4:19, and on Ibn Uthaymeen’s Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vols. 3 and 6.
The Verse and Its Order
Allah, the Most High, says:
“Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made one of them excel the other, and because they spend of their wealth [on them]. Therefore the righteous women are obedient, and guard in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. As for those women on whose part you fear defiant disobedience, [first] admonish them, [next] refuse to share their beds, [and last] hit them [lightly]. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Verily Allah is Most High, Great.”
(Surah an-Nisa 4:34)
As-Sa’di explains that men are in charge of women “with regard to making sure that they are doing their duties towards Allah, by keeping up with obligatory duties and restraining them from committing evil”, and that they are also in charge of them “in terms of spending on them, clothing them, and providing accommodation to them.” He explains that this charge is for the two reasons the verse itself states: “because Allah has made one of them excel the other, and because they spend of their wealth [on them]”. The first he explains as men’s superiority “in many ways”; the second is the spending that falls on men alone: “Men also have the exclusive obligation of spending on their wives.”
Of the righteous women, he explains: “they obey their husbands even in their absence; the wife guards her husband with regard to herself and his wealth. That is because Allah has enjoined upon them to guard themselves, and He has guided them to that.”
The defiant disobedience (nushuz) the verse then addresses is, in his words, “their refusal to obey their husbands, such as disobeying them in word and deed. In that case a husband may discipline his wife, starting with the mildest of measures.”
The measures then come in the verse’s own order. The first is admonition: “explain the ruling of Allah with regard to obedience and disobedience to the husband, encourage them to be obedient, and warn them against being disobedient.” As-Sa’di continues: “If the wife stops, then that is the desired result. Otherwise, the husband should refuse to share her bed, and not sleep with her or have intimate relations with her, to the extent that will achieve the desired aim. If that does not succeed, then he may hit her in a manner that does not cause pain.”
And the moment obedience returns, everything stops: “you have got what you wanted, so stop rebuking her for what happened in the past, and stop looking for faults, because that will cause harm and stir up dispute.” Ibn Kathir explains the same closing words: when the wife obeys her husband, “no means of annoyance from the husband are allowed against his wife. Therefore, in this case, the husband does not have the right to beat her or shun her bed.” And he warns that Allah “will exert revenge on those who transgress against their wives and deal with them unjustly.”
What “Not Severe” Means
The final step is restricted by the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. Ibn Kathir explains the words “beat them” in the verse: “if advice and ignoring her in the bed do not produce the desired results, you are allowed to discipline the wife, without severe beating.”
Muslim recorded that Jabir said that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet ﷺ said:
“Fear Allah regarding women, for they are your assistants. You have the right on them that they do not allow any person whom you dislike to step on your mat. However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision and clothes, in a reasonable manner.”
Ibn Kathir then records the explanation of the early scholars: “Ibn ‘Abbas and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not severe.”
The face is excluded from it entirely. The Sunan and Musnad compilers recorded that Mu’awiyah bin Haydah Al-Qushayri said, “O Allah’s Messenger! What is the right that the wife of one of us has on him?” The Prophet ﷺ said:
“…refrain from striking her face or cursing her, and to not abandon her, except in the house.”
The same restriction stands in the narration of ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas, who heard the Prophet ﷺ during his Farewell Pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allah and admonishing the people, saying:
“Treat women kindly, they are like captives in your hands; you do not owe anything else from them. In case they are guilty of open indecency, then do not share their beds and beat them lightly but if they return to obedience, do not have recourse to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives and they have their rights over you. Your right is that they shall not permit anyone you dislike to enter your home, and their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [At-Tirmidhi]
In his commentary on this hadeeth (Hadeeth 276), Ibn Uthaymeen first states the condition:
“Then he stated that we have no right to beat them except they commit a clear act of indecency which, here, is disobedience to the husband based on the evidence in His saying: “But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).” [Nisaa: 34].”
Explaining this narration, Ibn Uthaymeen sets out the order and its limit: “That is, if the wife falls short in her duty to her husband, he should counsel her as a first step, then he should forsake her bed, that is, he should not sleep with her. Thereafter, he may beat her in a non-injurious manner, if she persists on her obstinacy.”
And he ends with the stopping rule:
“These are the degrees of correcting a woman when she commits a clear-cut act of indecency, which is disobedience to the husband in her responsibilities to him: “But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).” That is, you should not beat them or reduce their rights since they have carried out the obligation.”
The matter did not begin with permission:
Iyas bin ‘Abdullah reported: Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Do not beat Allah’s bondwomen.” When ‘Umar came to Messenger of Allah ﷺ and complained saying: “The women have become very daring towards their husbands,” He (ﷺ) gave permission to beat them. Then many women went to the family of the Messenger of Allah (wives) complaining of their husbands, and he (the Prophet ﷺ) said, “Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining of their husbands. Those who do so, that is, those who take to beating their wives, are not the best among you.”
(Reported by Abu Dawud, as printed in Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vol. 3, printed p. 159.)
Ibn Uthaymeen explains what followed:
“Then the men exceeded bounds in that regard and they began to beat them even when they lack such rights. Then the women flooded the houses of the Prophet ﷺ, that is, his wives, to complain about their husbands.”
“Then the Prophet ﷺ addressed the congregation, he informed them that those who beat their wives were not the best of people; that is, they were not the best of men. He ﷺ said: ‘The best of you is he that is best to his family’. This shows that there is no blame on a man if something necessitates beating his wife, but he must not exceed proper limits or abuse this license.”
“Allah – the Mighty and Sublime – has explained the levels of that in His Book: “As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [Nisaa: 34]. The third measure is beating. When the husbands beat their wives, they should beat them without severity.”
He gives the same ruling on the hadeeth of Fatimah bint Qays (Vol. 6):
“The Prophet ﷺ said to her: ‘Muaawiyyah is destitute and he has no property, and Abu Jahm is very hard on women.’ In another narration (it goes:) ‘He does not drop stick from his shoulder.’ The two versions have the same meaning. That is, he does not live with women in good terms; he beats them. It is not permissible to beat women except for the reasons Allah has stated in His Saying:”
The verse is Surah an-Nisa 4:34, set out at the head of this page.
“It is a blunder for you to beat your wife whenever she errs. This is not lawful based on His Saying – the Mighty and Sublime: “… and live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” Q4: 19″
“The Third Stage: If that does not work, then beat them but not in a manner that leads to injury. That is, the beating must not be severe but for refinement only.”
The Prophet’s ﷺ Example
The Prophet ﷺ, who explained this verse, never acted on its final step himself. Imam Ahmad recorded that ‘Aishah said:
“The Messenger of Allah never struck a servant of his with his hand, nor did he ever hit a woman. He never hit anything with his hand, except for when he was fighting Jihad in the cause of Allah…”
His own conduct with his wives was the opposite of harshness. Ibn Kathir writes: “It was the practice of the Messenger of Allah to be kind, cheerful, playful with his wives, compassionate, spending on them and laughing with them.”
His conduct in his own house matched it. Ibn Uthaymeen writes: “Hence, when Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was asked about the Prophet’s routine at home, she said: ‘He used to be in service of his household’. That is, he used to assist them on some important house chores; he would milk the goat for his wives, repair his footwear and sow his clothes. This is how a person should be to his wives – a great companion.”
(Al-Bukhaari, Book of Manners, No. 6039, as printed in Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vol. 3, printed p. 615.)
The Standing Command of Kindness
Alongside the verse of discipline stands a command that is never lifted. Allah says:
“…but live with them in kindness. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.”
(Surah an-Nisa 4:19)
As-Sa’di explains: “This includes interactions in word and deed. The husband is obliged to live with his wife in kindness, which includes keeping her company in a good manner, not annoying or harming her, and showing kindness and treating her with respect. That also includes maintenance, clothing and so on. The husband is obliged to treat his wife in the manner that is expected of a man of his calibre towards a woman of her calibre, in that particular time and place; this differs from one situation to another.”
And the Prophet ﷺ said:
“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent; and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.”
(At-Tirmidhi, Book of Excellence, No. 3892, as printed in Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vol. 3, printed p. 612.)
As-Sa’di explains the same command at the end of a marriage, on Allah’s words about taking a wife back or releasing her (Surah al-Baqarah 2:231):
“either take them back with the intention of fulfilling their rights, or release them without taking them back or harming them. Hence He says: “Do not retain them in order to harm them, thus overstepping the limits”, by this action of yours.”
“What is permissible is keeping them on equitable terms and what is forbidden is harming them. “if anyone does that, then he has wronged himself” even if the harm done affects another person, the intention to cause harm will backfire on the one who had that intention.”
Key Lessons
From these texts, it is understood that the verse follows a gradual order: admonition first, then forsaking the bed, and only after both fail a final step that the Prophet ﷺ himself restricted to what is light, not violent, not severe, and not on the face, ending the moment obedience returns. The Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman at all, and the standing command over the whole marriage is to live with her in kindness. The Prophet ﷺ said that those who take to beating their wives are not the best among you. Violent abuse is the opposite of what these texts teach.
References
- Tafsir as-Sa’di, Shaykh ‘Abdur-Rahman ibn Nasir as-Sa’di, International Islamic Publishing House (IIPH), English Edition 1, 2018, translated by Nasiruddin al-Khattab. Vol. 1 (Juz 1-3): on Surah al-Baqarah 2:231, printed pp. 295-296. Vol. 2 (Juz 4-6): on Surah an-Nisa 4:34, printed pp. 173-175; on Surah an-Nisa 4:19, printed pp. 153-155.
- Tafsir Ibn Kathir (Abridged), English translation, the ten-volume compilation held in the library (no publisher is named for this copy): on Surah an-Nisa 4:34, combined file PDF pp. 1027-1032; on Surah an-Nisa 4:19, combined file PDF pp. 996-998; the narration of ‘Aishah on the Prophet’s ﷺ conduct, combined file PDF p. 5260.
- Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen, Vol. 3: Hadeeth 276, printed pp. 148-150; Hadeeth 279 and 280, printed pp. 159-161; Hadeeth 627 and 628, printed pp. 612-615.
- Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen, Vol. 6: the hadeeth of Fatimah bint Qays in the chapter on the cases where backbiting is permissible, printed pp. 171-172.
Further Reading
- Status and Honor of Women: how Islam honors women and the station it gives them
- The Rights and Obligations of Men and Women in Islam: the rights and obligations of husbands and wives toward each other in marriage
- Child Marriages in Islam: the ruling companion to this page, from the same books
- Islam Oppresses Women?: the sister claim in this family, that Islam oppresses women, answered from the texts
Verified on 2026-10-26 against: Tafsir as-Sa’di, Vols. 1 and 2 (IIPH, English Edition 1, 2018); Tafsir Ibn Kathir (Abridged); Ibn Uthaymeen, Sharh Riyaad as-Saaliheen, Vols. 3 and 6.